omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
