We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize