I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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