It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't deserve a penis
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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