I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
