and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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