Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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