Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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