His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I did not marry a roomba.
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