She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
