I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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