sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
