Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
