she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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