what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
