With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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