Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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