so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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