hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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