So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
