how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize