Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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