im about as happy as oj after his trial
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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