i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize