it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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