i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
