It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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