one word: firstdatebathroomanal
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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