So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
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