Welp...herpes.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
