Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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