you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize