"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I want her autograph on my taint
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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