beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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