He kissed a someone with a penis
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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