i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
