I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
