I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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