I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
