Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize