my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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