You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize