I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
