he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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