He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
