Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
