NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
