Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
