Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
