just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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