I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
