wat bout pragnant strippers??
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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