I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
