I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
