I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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