I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
