Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What a dumb baby whore.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize