the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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