What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
