She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
