Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
