my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
someone owes me an orgasm
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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