I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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