I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
