Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
