That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize