youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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