Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just had sex bonerless
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just found puke in my bra..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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