You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
