This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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