never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
