I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
