If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize