1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
