i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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