Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
