On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Come see our sink grown plant.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
